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Journey Through Pet Loss

Sponsored by www.grievingyourpet.com

Hello, my name is Denise Fiennes, an experienced pet owner, a trained counsellor and a member of the British Association of Counsellors and Psychotherapists (MBACP), with over 20 years experience in dealing with people, young and old, in crisis and distress.

I have loved and lost many pets throughout my life. Some of my pets lived a long time, while some died tragically. All gave immense pleasure, love and companionship and, yes, helped me through loss as well! All are remembered for their unique personalities, facial expressions, different talents and joyful times spent together.

If these memories and joys resonate with you it might explain why losing a pet is so hard. When grief hits us the world turns into chaos and, amazingly, everyone around us carries on as if nothing has happened. The world continues to spin and this feels extremely strange.

Perhaps your pet is ill, or you are suffering from the loss of a beloved animal. Maybe you want to help a friend or a child come to terms with what has happened. Whatever your situation, I am sincerely sorry for your pain and sorrow.

The therapeutic value of pets is renowned and the pleasure, love and companionship that pets can bring us is immeasurable. No wonder the loss of a much loved animal is so devastating; they are so much a part of the family and in some cases, they ARE family.

When I was a child I had rabbits, mice and then dogs. Even the smallest pets were given grand burials and many tears were shed. For most of my adult life I have owned, bred and trained dogs and I am now back to one much loved, much admired small dog, Monty, who lives with me in London, England.

Monty is a Pet As Therapy dog (a PAT dog), which means he visits people who are in the hospitals – often teenagers with depression and other difficulties, or old people who are often isolated and lonely. It is wonderful to see the effect he has on young, troubled people and the fun they give back to him! It also means that we share a special bond as we work together as therapists. Though I take a passive role when he is visiting, I still learn a lot from his ability to connect with people.

As a counsellor, and bereaved as a sister, wife, daughter, friend and pet owner, I have found my way through tragic loss and profound grief more times than is sensible for one lifetime! However, the experiences have taught me so much and have helped me enormously in my chosen field of helping others.

Early on in my career, I was part of a charity called Dog’s Trust. This is the largest UK charity working to re-home dogs (http:www.dogstrust.org.uk), and my campaign “A Dog is For Life Not Just for Christmas” is still going strong today. During the time that I worked on this campaign, (which was all about rescue dogs and always finding them a new home), I heard hundreds of heartbreaking stories, but was endlessly encouraged and surprised by the generosity and kindness of people wanting to help these animals.

Many had been abandoned on motorways, left in freezing temperatures, were maltreated, housed in filthy conditions and starved. Quickly however, these animals learned to trust and love their new owners in the most astonishing and miraculous way. In turn, their new owners, or foster caregiver’s were able to display the patience required to regain an animal’s trust, and the resulting rewards were enormous.

As a pet lover, you will understand the basis of this commitment, the problems associated with lost animals and re-homing pets, and as a loving human being will no doubt empathise with many injustices towards animals world wide. If you have opened your heart to your pet, you will find this treatment incomprehensible.

You may also be aware that pets too can grieve for their lost families or companions. This can be distressing until they have been able to work their way through such a loss and have once again discovered their spirit and joy.

As a crisis counsellor at the UK helpline charity Childline, I often dealt with children who asked about death in all its forms and some of whom were sad and confused over the death of their pet. That’s why it’s so important for us to remember that at a time like this, talking about the issue is critical for all of us. However, it is particularly important for children who, at various ages, may react differently and profoundly to the death of a beloved pet.

In my e book, Journey Through Pet Loss I try to help you to understand your loss and grief; to accept it as a normal, albeit a difficult part of life, and to know that there is a process and a journey that all of us have to go through before we can get our lives back on track. Additionally, it is the purpose of this book to provide you with professional guidance and techniques that will help you through your personal ordeal.

Remember that you are only suffering so profoundly because you have the ability to care so deeply. In the book, I am speaking to you not only as an individual who has experienced grief herself, but also as a professional who has worked with hundreds of people going through the exact same thing you may be currently experiencing.

Although you may not think so now, in the painful state you are in, your loss could be a life changing experience.

Throughout this journey through grief, you will learn a lot about yourself and others. There will be those who cannot understand the depth of your feelings or the love, trust and devotion you shared with your pet. What is important however is that you are true to your own feelings.

Deal with yourself and those around you in a loving and compassionate way in order to journey through grief in the most positive way possible, all the while working towards acceptance and a happier heart.

Denise Fiennes MBACP - helping animal charities through Journey Through Pet Loss

www.grievingyourpet.com

Mini Courses containing hints and tips on these subjects will be available soon.